Pre-Teen

By Mary Jo Rapini

It is amazing how fast little girls are growing up; at times it's even frightening. What's a mom to do when her 12-year-old daughter wants to wear makeup?
Telling her she can't wear makeup until she is older is probably only going to make her want to rebel. She may even develop feelings of shame associated with it. Soon your 12-year-old may be putting her makeup on when she gets to school or the mall or a friend's house to "hide" her activity from you. This will only build a wall in your interaction and communication with her.
A better approach is to have a heart-to-heart talk. To put both of you at ease, go for a walk or sit in an ice cream shop or wherever the two of you can go to talk without interruptions. Ask her WHY she wants to wear makeup. Does it make her feel prettier? More confident about her looks? Or is she just trying to "fit in"? Your daughter may be concerned about her skin and feels makeup covers unsightly acne scars or other flaws. This is a difficult time of changes, both physically and emotionally. Physically, as the face grows, it isn't uncommon for different parts of the face to look exaggerated as compared to other parts. And emotionally, she is starting to try and figure out who she is and how she can be like all her peers.
It is important that your daughter feel like she can talk to you honestly about her concerns and that you won't dismiss them as being foolish and not important. If she is concerned about her skin texture or acne, it would be wise to see a dermatologist with her.
If you are OK with occasional use of makeup, I encourages moms to plan a "girl's weekend" and take a makeup class together. Many times the reasons young girls over-do makeup is because they were not taught the "correct way" to apply it. They are heavy handed with eye liner and mascara because they copy their peers (who are not taught the correct way) instead of understanding how makeup is meant to enhance their skin and features.
When you talk with your daughter prior to disciplining her or discouraging her from wearing makeup, you should make it clear that you care about how she feels in regards to her looks. She needs to feel supported by you instead of shamed. She will feel better about herself because she knows you understand how she feels.
This is also a good time to identify how you felt during that time of your life. You can tell her how "too much makeup" makes her look and how it may make others react. Too much makeup is not necessarily going to make her look like she is more grown up. The way to achieve looking more grown up is to be confident in your own skin.
By listening to your daughter, not judging her, and offering her your support, you will be in a much better position to help her build that confidence.

Mary Jo Rapini is a psychotherapist and co-author of the book “Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You & Your Mom.” This easy-to read, lively, down-to-earth book is teen-friendly and is ideal to help both mothers and daughters have engaging conversations about tough topics (www.maryjorapini.com).
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Even with all of the worries about today’s economy, families can still enjoy fun, entertaining evenings together and stay on budget by playing board games. While board games can certainly be played and enjoyed at any time, a designated family game night provides an opportunity for families to share an economical night of staying in, having fun and creating new memories together.
In fact, according to a recent survey conducted by Hasbro, nearly half (48 percent) of Americans believe that a family game night is the most enjoyable form of family bonding, ranking higher than watching movies (22 percent), cooking (19 percent) and playing sports together (9 percent). Additionally, three in four (75 percent) Americans would rather play board games than video games as a group activity at a family reunion or gathering.
“Family game night invites everyone to turn off the outside world for a short time and reconnect with each other,” said Matt Collins, vice president of marketing for Hasbro Games. “A new game generally costs less than other family entertainment options, such as dining out or attending a sporting event, making adding a new game to your game night repertoire an economical choice.”
A night out at the movies can cost a family more than $40 and the experience is over once you leave the theater. On the other hand, a new board game often costs less than $25 and can be added to the family’s game collection to be played again and again.
Are you ready for a great family night in? If so, get ready for a night of fun and schedule a family game night! Hasbro, the maker of Parker Brothers and Milton Bradley games, suggests a few tips to maximize your family game night so that it is something the whole family will look forward to week after week:

Schedule it!
Decide in advance which day will be your family game night. It doesn’t matter which night of the week you choose — any night will do! As long as the date is marked on a calendar that everyone can see and the parents make it a priority to keep the appointment, the night will be one to remember!
Involve everyone
in the planning
Involve the whole family in the planning process by allowing the kids to pick the games or choose the snacks. For variety, rotate responsibilities each time you have a family game night.

Create a tradition
Whether it’s a specific family-favorite dinner before game night, the way that teams are chosen or a 30-minute extension on bedtime, establish an activity on family game night that becomes a family tradition. This element will create even more excitement with everyone in the family.

Keep a family scoreboard
From week to week, recognize the family member who won the last game night by posting their name on a special scoreboard — perhaps it’s a place of honor on the refrigerator. Or, create a family crown that can be worn by the winner at dinner or during the next game night.

Remind everyone
To keep the date with the family, set up reminders to make sure that game night happens. Set up an alarm on a handheld device or on the family computer. For the kids, put a note in their lunchbox reminding them about family game night. By building anticipation for family game night, you will help build excitement for family time.

Mix it up with special guests
To expand the fun, invite other families in your neighborhood to participate in a family game night tournament. Or, if you have extended family members staying with you or if you are traveling during a scheduled game night, invite everyone to participate!
The top reason to have a family game night is to have fun! However, whether enjoying a family-favorite game or discovering a potential new favorite, playing board games as a family provides other benefits too, including:
Laughter: Games offer a fresh experience every time you play, providing new ways to have fun and laugh together. Some games, such as Cranium and Operation, are developed with giggles in mind and would be a great choice on nights when everyone needs a good laugh.
Family Bonding: Game play allows your kids to learn from you and from each other. It encourages a sense of connectedness and respect among family members.
Learning: Games can be a subtle learning tool. For instance, Clue is good for learning deductive reasoning. Monopoly is ideal for teaching beginning budget skills and Yahtzee provides a fun way to teach simple addition and multiplication.
Life Skills: Games teach kids important life skills such as patience, concentration, teamwork and perseverance. By taking turns, following rules and even losing a game, kids learn skills that they can apply at school and in the home.
By mixing together kids and parents, turning off text-messaging and playing a board game, you’ll have an evening of fun, laughter and love that will bring the family closer together and create memories for years to come.

Games for all ages
While the game you select isn’t as important as the time spent together as a family, you may want to consider the age of the players and the amount of time available for family game night when selecting a game. To get you started, here are some all-time favorites, and a few new games, to consider:
Families with kids ages 6 to 8: Pictureka!, Sorry! Sliders, Operation, Monopoly Jr.
Families with kids ages 8 to 10: Clue, Monopoly, Cranium Family Edition, The Game Of Life
Families with kids ages 10 to 12: Monopoly, Yahtzee, Clue
Families with teenagers: Monopoly Here & Now: The World Edition, Scrabble, Cranium Wow, Jenga, Catch Phrase, Trivial Pursuit

For more game ideas, visit www.familygamenight.com.

Sources: Hasbro Games, Family Features

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By Patti Ghezzi

We all want summer to have that laid-back, spontaneous feel of yesteryear. But we also want to make sure our kids are ready when school starts. Teachers say it’s possible to incorporate fun and learning.
With so many choices in how to spend the summer months, a little planning goes a long way. Even a first grader can help in the kitchen. He can make a salad, work a timer and knead bread. If the salad calls for tomatoes, lettuce, cheese, croutons and cucumbers, how many ingredients is that? If the bread has been in the oven for half an hour and needs to cook for 40 minutes, how much time is left?
As children get older, they may need a set time to read, review math skills from the previous year or work on constructive projects. By coming up with fun projects, such as creating a PowerPoint presentation about the family vacation, your child won’t feel like you’re the Grinch who stole summer.
Here are tips from teachers, principals, and parents:
• Talk with your child’s outgoing teacher about the summer. What does she recommend? If your child is weak in writing, reading or math, seek advice on how to incorporate that without making summer feel like academic boot camp. Your teacher may suggest buying a workbook and having your child complete one page per day. Or he may think your child needs a break from worksheets and should focus on learning through experiences, such as making a pizza to understand fractions.
• Talk to parents whose children are a year ahead of your child in school. What’s coming? Is the upcoming grade a doozy, or is the pace about the same as the previous year? What do they wish they had done last summer to prepare?
• Check the school Web site for information about the next year’s curriculum. See whether there are ways you can incorporate some of it into summer plans. For example, if your child will be studying the solar system, make a point of visiting the planetarium.
• Find out whether your school has a recommended summer reading list. Reserve the books at the library or buy them so your child can get started ASAP. Stay on pace so your child doesn’t have to cram four books into the weeks leading up to the start of school.
• If your child’s school does not have a reading list, reserve books that match your child’s interests and reading level. Allow your child to read some easier, lightweight books and listen to books on tape. This will encourage a love of reading for pleasure and improve fluency. Set aside time at night or on the weekend for everyone in the family to read.
• Talk to your kids well in advance. Let them know that they will be able to have a fun summer and that learning is a year-round activity. Solicit their ideas on how to incorporate learning into the summer. If your child says she just wants to sleep late, assure her she can sleep late sometimes and make suggestions for ways she can stay busy. Maybe she’ll want to start a business like a lemonade stand or plant a garden.
• Using a wall calendar, map out trips, camp sessions and other commitments. Check the websites of local museums and attractions and mark any special exhibits you want to see.
• Make sure your calendar isn’t so jammed that your child has no down time. Learning to cope with free time and make good choices are important life skills. Give your child a balance of outdoor and indoor activities as well as the chance to read for pleasure and play without the pressure of academics or competition.
Teachers want kids to return from summer rested, reinvigorated and ready to dig in to a new school year. A summer of all fun and no structure will make it hard for your child to get back into the learning groove. Endless academic drills with flash cards and worksheets will lead to burnout before school even starts. Strike a balance, and you’ll be surprised how fast those warmer months fly by.

– Source: Schoolfamily.com

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Every parent has been there. Your child comes in from school with a pile of homework and zero motivation to actually do it. He's supposed to complete his assignments while you prepare dinner, but you always find yourself keeping one ear out for the TV being furtively switched on, or perhaps the zap of a video game bad guy biting the dust.
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By Nancy Carlsson-Paige

From where I am sitting today, I am profoundly concerned about our nation’s children. Life is far more challenging for children and parents than it was only a generation ago, when I was raising my kids. These days, a host of social forces and trends is putting tremendous pressure on children and their parents: entertainment media are too often replacing active, child-centered play and social time with peers and family.

Constant depictions of violence, aggression and disrespect toward others are immersing kids in a world where “might makes right.” Exposure to frightening news reports that only seem to confirm the violent messages pervading kids’ entertainment leave many children fearful and insecure. Aggressive marketing campaigns aimed at kids are pushing a host of products, toys and values on children, teaching them to value “having” over “being” from an early age.


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