By Jody Johnston-Pawtel

The end of the school year brings a tough decision for many parents, "Is my child ready to be home alone?" Many parents answer this question simply by looking at a child’s age or maturity, but really need to consider both.

There is an unwritten, unspoken "law" among social service and law enforcement professionals that no child 9 years old or younger should be left home alone – no matter how mature. Older children who are immature or irresponsible should also not be home alone.

By the age of 8, parents need to be teaching children skills in responsibility and independence. These skills make parenting easier and children misbehave less, make more responsible decisions and are more resourceful in solving problems they face when alone.

To prepare children for being home alone, teach them:
• Basic first aid,
• When and how to call 9-1-1,
• What to do if there is a fire,
• How to fix meals without a stove, to prevent fires,
• How to answer the phone (IF they are allowed to answer it),
• The house rules and see they have a track record of following them.

Before leaving a child home alone with younger siblings, consider these issues:
• No sibling under the age of 11 or 12 years old should be responsible for a younger sibling — even if they are the most responsible children in the world! Imagine the emotional trauma should anything happen.

• When the youngest child is about 7 or 8 years old and the oldest is at least 13 years old, it is safer for them to be alone.

• How well do the siblings get along? Does one torment the other? If so, they shouldn’t be alone together without an adult present.

• How many children would the older sibling be watching? No minor should watch more than three or four children under the age of 10. Younger children (ages 11 to 13) should only watch one or two children who are older than toddlers.

• Children should be at least 13 years old to care for infants and need special training. They should know how to handle incessant crying without resorting to spanking or shaking, which many younger children will naturally do due to inexperience or lack of knowledge. Let these children help with the baby while the parent is present, to coach them before leaving them alone.
Remember, sometimes the older child is not the more responsible one. Sometimes siblings can stay home together but independently. Each is responsible for their own care, without a sibling "telling them what to do," which can cause conflicts.
Finally, here are some basic rules a parent should set for children who will be home alone

• No visitors. It’s too tempting to experiment when a peer is present. Also, the absent parent may be held legally liable if something should happen in their home, even in their absence.

• Depending on the neighborhood, children should stay inside. At the least, encourage them to stay on their own property where they have access to a phone to communicate with parents. If older children (13+) are allowed to go places, they should let the parent know where they will be. Parents also want to be sure there will be adult supervision and have a contact number to reach the child.

• No phone calls or limit all calls to 15 minutes so parents can reach the child.

• Decide whether the child is allowed to answer the phone. If the home has caller ID, the child can answer calls from familiar callers rather than not answer at all. Parents can also have a signal (two rings and they hang up) so child knows when to answer.

• Keep doors and windows locked, depending on the weather/climate, air conditioning and neighborhood safeness. Teach children what to do if someone comes to the door and what to do if it is a stranger. Not answering is the best policy. Children should also have a way to watch what the stranger does. If they act suspiciously, they should call the police.

• No cooking on the stove until they are experienced cooks, usually around age 13 if parents have been teaching and supervising them from about age 8 or so.

• Obvious things like no smoking, drinking or girlfriends/boyfriends.
Once the child has the skills to be alone, start with short periods of absence (10 minutes). Gradually increase the time as you and your child feel more comfortable.

If children act irresponsibly or are unwilling to follow these rules, they need to have a sitter for a brief period. Then get agreements and give them another chance to show they can be home alone safely.

Jody Johnston Pawel is a Licensed Social Worker, Certified Family Life Educator, second-generation parent educator, founder of The Family Network, and President of Parents Toolshop Consulting. She is the author of 100+ parent education resources, including her award-winning book, The Parent's Toolshop. For 25+ years, Jody has trained parents and family professionals through her dynamic workshops and interviews with the media worldwide, including Parents and Working Mother magazines, and the Ident-a-Kid television series. Jody currently serves as the online parenting expert for Cox Ohio Publishing’s mom-to-mom websites and also serves on the Advisory Board of the National Effective Parenting Initiative. Reprinted by permission of Ambris Publishing, Springboro, Ohio. © 2010.

By Dennis Garlick, Ph.D.

School can be challenging. Not only are there the social and extracurricular pressures that can make school hard, schoolwork itself can be the most difficult. In this situation, good parents can turn their children’s performance around, helping them to regain confidence and pick up their grades. Handling the situation poorly can lead to the child rebelling and falling even further behind. How does a parent help a child who is struggling at school?

RECOGNIZE THAT NOT ALL STUDENTS ARE THE SAME
One of the great characteristics of the human race is our diversity. Different people have different talents and abilities. But what this also means is that not every child has the ability to be at the top of the class. A child who performs poorly in school might still be working hard. He just may not have the required ability to really achieve top grades in a subject.

Because of this, it is important to recognize a child’s effort, even if the outcome is not what parents may have been hoping for. On the one hand, if a child’s efforts are recognized despite a lack of success, then the child is likely to continue to work hard and try to succeed. On the other hand, if hard work leads to limited success, and this limited success leads to no rewards, or even punishment, then there is no incentive to continue to work hard.

REWARD CHILDREN APPROPRIATELY
Rewards should not be all or none. One way to reward a child would be to say that he will be given a video game system if he gets all A’s at the end of the year. Without the A’s, he will not. But what if the child truly believes that getting all A’s is beyond him? Then the reward will provide little incentive, as it would seem to be unattainable.

A better way is to say that a certain amount of money will be put toward the reward, based on how they perform at school. An A may be worth $50, and a B worth $25. Or, to really reward extra effort, the scale could be $50 for an A and $10 for a B. If certain subjects such as mathematics are perceived as being more important for a future career, greater rewards could be given for those subjects than other subjects. The important point is that there is an incentive to work hard even if the child thinks that this hard work will not necessarily result in an A.

EMPHASIZE THE ROLE OF REPETITION
One insight that research into the brain has given us is that learning is based on two different processes. One type of learning is responsible for memorizing facts such as the capital of France being Paris. This learning process can occur very quickly, even after a single experience. Because it occurs very quickly, knowledge like this can be picked up easily at any age. This is also the knowledge that is so easy to search for on the Internet these days.

However, there is another learning process that occurs in the brain, especially over childhood. This is a gradual process that prunes the neural connections in response to experience. It leads to a child’s ability to understand the world around them. Unlike the process responsible for memory, it takes much longer to occur, and depends on many examples or experiences.

This tells us that repetition of experiences can be crucial in childhood. If something is not understood, a child should not give up trying to understand it. Instead, more and more examples should be undertaken so that it can eventually be learned. Rather than concentrating on what a child is good at, it can be more important to concentrate on what he or she is NOT good at. Through increased experience and repetition, a child can become better at something that they are initially struggling with.

SHOW HOW SCHOOL LEARNING IS RELEVANT TO LATER LIFE
Another way that parents can help and encourage their children to work hard at school is to emphasize the relevance of school learning for later life. One way is to highlight the benefits of a college education for a future career, and how school performance determines college options. But more than this, it helps if a child’s learning at school is more directly related to skills and abilities that she will need in later life.

For instance, children will often complain that they will not need to use Pythagoras’ Theorem or the Quadratic Equation later in life. Ironically, they are often right in this claim. Parents themselves typically rarely use these formulas. It can then be difficult to convince children that it is important to learn formulas like these. What parents need to do is emphasize that a mathematics education is not important because of the specific formulas that are being taught; rather, these formulas are being taught so that children can use formulas in general. Many examples of the use of formulas in adulthood can then be given, whether it is a formula to calculate the passage of air over a wing, a formula to calculate the value of a stock based on its dividends, or a formula to calculate the expected sales of a new product. The essential point is that school is important not just for learning specific facts and formulas, but also for general abilities. These general abilities are often what will determine success in later life.

MOST IMPORTANTLY
Parents need to emphasize to children that working hard and practicing can be of benefit, no matter what their talent or ability level. Brain science now tells us that talents and abilities do not represent fixed characteristics of the brain, but rather set the range of success, given practice or experience. Working hard can be beneficial, irrespective of a child’s innate level of intelligence.

Dr. Dennis Garlick is the author of the groundbreaking new book on intelligence, “Intelligence and the Brain: Solving the Mystery of Why People Differ in IQ and How a Child Can Be a Genius.” This revolutionary book uses the recent advances in the brain sciences to show how educational experiences contribute to the development of human intelligence and future success. Garlick received his Ph.D. in psychology from the University of Sydney in 2003, and is currently a researcher in the psychology department at the University of California, Los Angeles. He can be reached through his website, www.intelligenceandthebrain.com.

Now that your kids have settled into the school year, you may find that dealing with your child's education can sometimes be a bit unsettling. Whether it's a new year with a new teacher whose communication style leaves you wanting more or dealing with major issues from grades to behavior, having a solid working relationship with your child's school can be as critical as their daily attendance.

We live in a real-time society where instant access to grades via the Internet and to your children via cell phones is the norm. Parents are continually looking to bridge the gap between school and home.

"The reality is that teachers have so many students and so many constraints on their time that they simply cannot give an adequate amount of attention to communicating home to the child's parents," says Dr. Mike Papadimitriou, headmaster for the Academy of Science in Conroe, Texas. The key to success for parents, he says, centers along creating the appropriate and acceptable lines of communication with the school and with their child.

"The best way to keep abreast of what's going on at school is to get involved," says Dr. Marv Abrams, an adjunct educational professor for Argosy University, Orange County, and an educational professional with 20 years teaching and 14 years administrator experience. "Whether your child is young enough for you to volunteer in the classroom or whether you join the good old PTA, you're gaining access to knowledge about how the classroom and the school work and gaining access to school administrators that can be very useful for staying in tune with your child's education."

Another critical component to keeping your child out of trouble and focused on studies is to know your child's friends. "Parents should always be monitoring their child's friends," says Abrams. "Know who your children are hanging out with, texting and talking to on social networking sites and what they are doing with them. Kids are attracted to people just like them so if you find they hang out with a 'bad crowd' the reality is that they are the 'bad crowd' and you may need to intervene."

Kids who stay active are kids who stay out of trouble, both Abrams and Papadimitriou agree. Whether it's a school club, the band or athletics, the more time kids spend in the presence of an adult engaged in something positive, the better off they'll be.

When your child faces trouble, socially or academically, staying neutral is the key. "Parents can lose objectivity when it comes to their children. They send their children to us as their most prized possessions and can forget that their children, like us as administrators, sometimes make mistakes. Nobody is perfect -- the goal should be to focus on the problem at hand and correcting the situation, not on identifying blame with either the child or the school," says Papadimitriou.

While many parents consider themselves as much a friend to their child as a parent, setting clear boundaries for yourself is as important as getting involved. "Allow your child to work through the issue on their own," says Abrams. When they come to you with an issue, ask what they are doing about the problem and how they can resolve it. Offer advice that can help them work it out for themselves. Papadimitriou agrees and adds, "If that doesn't work, then you communicate with the teacher," he says.

If the issue is academic, Abrams recommends getting to know the learning environment better. "Ask the teacher how he or she is teaching the content standards and when they are teaching which subjects. Ask for additional work and/or resources to help support your child's learning. Stay focused on your child and not on telling the teacher how to run the class or how to work with other kids.

"Never criticize the teacher or school in front of your child," says Abrams. "It forces your child to choose between the authority of the school and your authority as a parent and only sets them up for further conflicts in the future. If you need to discuss an issue, you talk to the teacher without your child knowing. That gives you the opportunity to partner with the teacher to find a solution and sets your child up for success in the future. It also sets you up to be able to reinforce the work the teacher is doing."

"While a child is never expected to adjust to an abusive situation," says Papadimitriou, "sometimes children just have to learn to adjust to different ways of doing things and to different personalities. The less critical and the more cooperative you are as a parent, the more positive impact you can have on your child's education."

A CF Special Report

A challenge for many parents is wanting to help their kids succeed in school but not always knowing how best to do that. When they see a child struggle with homework, where do they start?

A math and science tutor for many years and co-founder of the online tutoring service Virtual Nerd, Leo Shmuylovich recommends that parents first observe their child to assess the problem. “Parents are in a unique position – they can sit down with their child, one-on-one, and devote extra time at home to understanding their child’s needs.Teachers in a busy classroom don’t always get that opportunity or it can take longer in school to identify the student’s need,” says Shmuylovich.

Summer provides quiet time for parents to work with their children on these issues.
Shmuylovich offers these suggestions for parents to help overcome a child’s learning struggles:

Problem:  Poor Review or Test-taking Skills
If your child is doing well on homework but does poorly on written exams, it could mean she has either poor review or test-taking skills.
Solution:  Help your child develop the habit of setting aside time each day to review their work. Parents can also create a mock “high stakes” environment each day during which the student has to solve problems without the help of a textbook or other reference tool. Parents can usually set this up pretty easily then gradually lead the student to do this on their own.

Problem:  Misunderstanding a Current Concept
When their child misunderstands a current concept it can be frustrating for parents as well.  This is the place where parents may have the most difficulty helping kids, since the concept may be new to them too.  
Solution: Try putting your child in the role of teacher and ask them to explain the concept to you, the “student.”  If your child can explain the concept to you well enough, they should be able to handle the related work.  Parents may also want to search online for videos that explain or demonstrate the concept.  For example, Virtual Nerd offers several tutorials that explain and help reinforce math and science concepts.

Problem: Not Enough Practice
Some students don't have enough practice with either current or previous concepts, which becomes evident when they tell you they “can’t remember how to do it.”
Solution:  It can be tough for parents to write out new problems that practice a particular concept. Instead Shmuylovich recommends they seek out additional practice within the text or ask the teacher for specific worksheets or other practice. Sometimes it really is just a matter of repeated execution (the multiplication table comes to mind, but it's the same for A + B = C).